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i`m going all out on this
I`m not going to delete anything im going to just flow off of my mind
this is me
and why i think they way i do
how I refuse to depend on anyone anymore
this is why I don`t attach to no one
becuase I could not pick myself up off the ground if I went through this all again
no one will ever compare

It`s Been 6 years since
your death
6 years since I`ve lost my best friend
6 years since the first person I ever said I love you to
6 years since the laughter in my life has left my lungs
It`s been 6 years now that you`ve been gone
6 years ago I should of left with you, or at least I would of liked too
6 years Hollie`s been gone

It`s also 6 years past
my time of death

I can`t remember the last time I seen or spoke to you face to face.....
the anger that I don`t remember that is indescribable, I can`t even go there
my fucking piece of shit memory which is more then all my fault

You probably have no idea how much you impacted me
I`m pretty sure I never told you or showed
which is one of my biggest regrets ever in life
before I met you I was so quite and self kept, def not out going whatsoever
and now after you i`m on the other side of the road on that one
I hope in some way you know that its all because of you
whenever I tell a story to a friend or when people ask my what that letters are tattooed on my wrist
the only way that I can really say sum you up is
"that`s the love of my life, she taught me how to laugh"

Sitting on the side of andalusia as cars pass by
every pass just makes it colder
I don`t really care though
I`m crying too hard half the time to even know that im on the side of the road on my knees in the dirt
spewing out my guts to bricks laid by your friends to remind our selfs of where you last laid
it`s diffrent there
I think and feel diffrent
see everything in a very strange and diffrent way
i`ve been there so many times, spent so many hours yelling at the top of my lungs to sea of stars thats heard it all before

I shouldn`t of had to pull weeds off of your grave tonight just to say hello to you
I should of came home to you 

Thinking about when it happened
the days and weeks that followed
the nights and thoughts
I always think of alkaline trio, especially the album Good Mourning which just came out around that time
I remember i didn`t even like them that much when i first heard them
not their tattoed on my arm and i spend half my days singing them at the top of my lungs in my car
whenever i hear this cd i think of those days
how hard that was
and now where i stand
it dosen`t compare

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August 2013
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